The Brain named itself.

Think about it.

then its not a bad decision.

I smoke and drink and I don’t care who knows it! Except my parents. Please don’t tell my parents.

If a nuclear explosion can’t kill cockroaches, then what the fuck is in Raid?

Didn’t realize my show was over. I have been watching this infomercial for like 10 minutes. :(

Does a lion even know an octopus exists? They have never seen each other so how would they even know?

I don’t think lesbians should get to use dildos. They made their choice.

any limb left hanging out of the covers is fair game for the monsters to eat.

Why don’t restaurants make soda flavored ice cubes so when they melt in your drink it doesn’t taste nasty and watered down?

I guess you could call me ………… a ceiling fan.

zackisontumblr:

If anybody asks if they know you from somewhere, look them in the eyes and say, “Do you watch porn?”

(via beyoncebeytwice)